"It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for." — Amy Poehler
Monday, August 17, 2015
Monday, August 10, 2015
What I'm reading over & over again this week:
Everything Is Awful and I’m Not Okay: questions to ask before giving up by Eponis
Are you hydrated? If not, have a glass of water.
Have you eaten in the past three hours? If not, get some food — something with protein, not just simple carbs. Perhaps some nuts or hummus?
Have you showered in the past day? If not, take a shower right now.
If daytime: are you dressed? If not, put on clean clothes that aren’t pajamas. Give yourself permission to wear something special, whether it’s a funny t-shirt or a pretty dress.
If nighttime: are you sleepy and fatigued but resisting going to sleep? Put on pajamas, make yourself cozy in bed with a teddy bear and the sound of falling rain, and close your eyes for fifteen minutes — no electronic screens allowed. If you’re still awake after that, you can get up again; no pressure.
Have you stretched your legs in the past day? If not, do so right now. If you don’t have the spoons for a run or trip to the gym, just walk around the block, then keep walking as long as you please. If the weather’s crap, drive to a big box store (e.g. Target) and go on a brisk walk through the aisles you normally skip.
Have you said something nice to someone in the past day? Do so, whether online or in person. Make it genuine; wait until you see something really wonderful about someone, and tell them about it.
Have you moved your body to music in the past day? If not, do so — jog for the length of an EDM song at your favorite BPM, or just dance around the room for the length of an upbeat song.
Have you cuddled a living being in the past two days? If not, do so. Don’t be afraid to ask for hugs from friends or friends’ pets. Most of them will enjoy the cuddles too; you’re not imposing on them.
Do you feel ineffective? Pause right now and get something small completed, whether it’s responding to an e-mail, loading up the dishwasher, or packing your gym bag for your next trip. Good job!
Do you feel unattractive? Take a goddamn selfie. Your friends will remind you how great you look, and you’ll fight society’s restrictions on what beauty can look like.
Do you feel paralyzed by indecision? Give yourself ten minutes to sit back and figure out a game plan for the day. If a particular decision or problem is still being a roadblock, simply set it aside for now, and pick something else that seems doable. Right now, the important part is to break through that stasis, even if it means doing something trivial.
Have you seen a therapist in the past few days? If not, hang on until your next therapy visit and talk through things then.
Have you been over-exerting yourself lately — physically, emotionally, socially, or intellectually? That can take a toll that lingers for days. Give yourself a break in that area, whether it’s physical rest, taking time alone, or relaxing with some silly entertainment.
Have you changed any of your medications in the past couple of weeks, including skipped doses or a change in generic prescription brand? That may be screwing with your head. Give things a few days, then talk to your doctor if it doesn’t settle down.
Have you waited a week? Sometimes our perception of life is skewed, and we can’t even tell that we’re not thinking clearly, and there’s no obvious external cause. It happens. Keep yourself going for a full week, whatever it takes, and see if you still feel the same way then.
You’ve made it this far, and you will make it through. You are stronger than you think.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
[The stairs to my apartment.]
Unfortunately, I cannot give a definite answer to a lot of the questions I am presented with.
They include but are not limited to:
Why are you here, like, besides for work?It's funny, because most of the people who ask me these questions ask in passing, as if I have a one-word answer I can give them about any of the above. Most days I simply explain that it depends on XYZ, and change the topic. Other days I give a straight-faced answer that is absurd, like if they ask what I like most about Germany, I will just stare at them and without skipping a beat say something like, "Haribo is far cheaper here."
How long do you want to stay?
Do you want to raise your kids here, or in the States?
What do you miss most about the States besides your family and friends?
How are the States different from Germany?
Do you like German healthcare more?
What's your favorite thing about Germany?
Do you want to marry a German?
What's the biggest difference between America and Germany?
Because sometimes you're so exhausted from your own questions you ask yourself to deal with the inquiries of curious minds.
Monday, July 27, 2015
Thursday, June 25, 2015
“To hell with being ashamed of what you like.”
— Ralph Ellison
“So you chose to stay and called it hope. Until one day you were strong enough to call it what it was and do what you needed to do all along. Walk away.”
“Women are emotional in order to feel the divine energy at the highest levels and be supreme healers and lovers and mothers. Not to drive men insane. Her deep spiritual connection to feelings is to inspire a man to his spiritual heights as well. She is not a nag, she is an oracle.”
— Raja Khan
“The worst thing: to give yourself away in exchange for not enough love.”
— Joyce Carole Oates
“All I ever really want to know is how other people are making it through life—where do they put their body, hour by hour, and how do they cope inside of it.”
— Miranda July
“Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.”
— Don Miguel Ruiz
“Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”
— Rainer Maria Rilke
“Time will pass; these moods will pass; and I will, eventually, be myself again.”
— Kay Redfield Jamison
“Have patience with all things but first of all with yourself.”
— Saint Francis de Sales