Tuesday, December 1, 2015

When nothing goes unsaid.

Have you ever puked on the subway? Well, not on the subway, exactly -- or the Tube, in my case -- but gotten that feeling of utter nausea, the kind that starts in your heart and the next thing you know you're running off the train to find the nearest trashcan, bush, whatever?

I have. This past weekend, in fact.

I went to visit some friends in London. London and I have had a lot of interesting moments together. Mostly brilliant. Some rather sad. London isn't a city where you have a mediocre time. It's really not. You either have the most magical time on Earth, or you end up puking on the Tube from sadness, or maybe you experience both in a mere 12 hours span, as was my latest adventure.

I could go into details. Give you the play-by-play of what happened. But I think there are some things that should be reserved for my personal memories... or until I'm a little bit less fragile.

But here's what I do want to say: if you have something to say, something near and dear to your heart, say it. I know my saying that probably comes as no surprise, I've had a pretty strong track record of doing just that.

This weekend I did it again.

And it wasn't pretty. It was full of ugly tears, confessions of love, and utter rejection. A lost friendship to boot.

(And some puking on the Tube.)

But I walked away with not a single regret, well, aside from wishing i hadn't done that type of sob where you can't catch your breath; the one that takes you back to when you were 3 years old and your mom wouldn't buy you that doll you had to have.

But ugly tears be damned, I regret nothing.

When I'm 40 or 60, I'll never have to wonder "What if I would have just said how I felt?"

I said how I felt. And that's all I can do.

That's all we can ever do.

Love, love, love. I'll keep on if you promise you will.

"I hope one day 5 years from now you stumble across me when I’ve grown out of you and finally then after not seeing me for all this time it will break your heart."

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Monday, November 2, 2015

Quotes for this particular season of my life. || November 2015.

“Once we begin to celebrate what our body does rather than obsessing on how it looks, we start to appreciate our body as an instrument rather than an ornament.
— Unknown
“There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all to apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere.
— Jane Austen
“Nothing will ruin your twenties more than thinking you should have your life together already.
— Unknown
 You will fall in love with someone who’s cold and always seemingly pushing you away. When all is said and done, they will be forever known as the one person you couldn’t get to love you. Unfortunately, it will hurt and sting worse than the good ones, the ones that chopped up your meat for you and picked out an eyelash from your eye and were nice to your mother, because love often feels like a game we need to win. And when we lose, when we realize we couldn’t get what we ultimately desired from a person, it makes us feel like a failure and erases all the memories of those who loved us in the past.
— Ryan O'Connell
“'You,' he said, 'are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain.'
— Emilie Autumn
“I ruined myself for a lot of people who weren't even worth it.
— Unknown
“These are hard times. The world hurts. We live in fear and forget to walk with hope. But hope has not forgotten you. So ask it to dinner. It's probably hungry and would appreciate the invitation.
— Libba Bray
“A soft woman
is simply a wolf
caught in meditaion.
— Pavana

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Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Adele's 'Hello' & how I haven't stopped crying since its release

You guys. It's been nearly a week and I haven't stopped listening to Adele's new single... much to my coworkers' dismay. It's so good. You've heard it, right? And you've seen the video, right? RIGHT? Here. I'll wait.

I told you so!

So not only are her cheekbones, voice and eyeliner perfection, but she absolutely kills it in interviews, too. Oh, Adele. You're too good to us.

Maybe I also love her because we're nearly the same age and her songs are about life stages we went through around the same time? Maybe I'm reaching here, but naja.

She slayed me with this. (I want to print it off and tape it all over my apartment as inspiration.)

Adele also blessed us with this recent interview in i-D magazine. It's definitely worth a read. Here's a part that especially stood out to me.
When she was ready to start work on the record, Adele walked down to the local shop ("I do actually walk," she says, laughing) and bought herself a brand new notebook. "I do it every album. I buy a new pad, sniff it - 'cause smell is important - and then I get a big, fat sharpie and write my age on the front page. 25 has five exclamation marks after it 'cause I was like, 'How the fuck did that happen?!' 21 to 25." The record is about getting older and becoming nostalgic, she says. It's about what was, what is, what might have been. It's about missing things that you had no idea were so precious, like being 18-years-old and drinking two litre bottles of cider in Brockwell Park with your mates. "Those were the most real and best moments of my life and I wish I'd known that I wasn't going to be able to sit in the park and drink a bottle of cider again." Not because she's famous, but because her life - and the lives of her school friends - has moved on. No one is a teenager anymore. "I think the album is about trying to clear out the past," she says slowly. 
And woo boy, that's exactly what I'm trying to do right now. Kon Mari Methoding my past. 
Less than a month until we're graced with her entire. new. album. I'm dying over here! 
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Friday, October 16, 2015

I'm still here, promise!

Hi all!

I've gotten many messages and emails asking if I plan on still blogging and I do! I do! But I'm currently in the throws of building up my new apartment (!) and am quite busy at work. It's a good busy. A really good busy. I am in a good place and really trying to enjoy it. And sometimes that means going home and not flipping on your computer after staring at a screen for 9 hours already...

But I miss this so much and am really going to write more soon.

Important updates so far:

  • I've been in Hamburg a year now. A YEAR! Can you believe it? This is the start of my fourth year in Germany. I've spent four of the six years of my twenties living abroad. Insane. 
  • I have my very first, all mine, paid for myself apartment. It's a beautiful one, and I love it dearly. If only furniture were cheaper. ;) I will post about it soon. I think you'll like it. 
  • I update a lot on Instagram if you fancy following along there, and of course, twitter

Thank you for always checking in and being such loyal pals. This blog just turned 7 and I've only kept with it thanks to the dear friendships I've made along the way. 

Onward & upward. 

"Two February’s ago, all I wanted to do was sleep. I was anchored to my bed with the sadness I was letting myself drown in. Now, I daydream about surviving on 3 hours of sleep, I dread going to bed, I keep my eyes open as long as I can. My heart sinks when the sun sets, I crave daylight; I’ve fallen in love with being alive." — Madisen Kuhn, January 18, 2014 journal entry

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Monday, August 17, 2015

{Quote of the Week.}

"It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for." — Amy Poehler
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